you kind of hate Joan, and yet you can't really, because you worship her and her perfection. to make things worse, since Joan is everything you wish you could be (compassionate! grounded! successful AND magnanimous!), it makes it absolutely impossible to feel any ill-will towards Joan.
she’s amazing, obviously, SHE’S JOAN.
you can’t want to kill her, she’s too amazing. so you just want to kill yourself.
and yet! you know how bullshit this whole thing is.
because obviously: Fucking Joan is fucking You...Fucking Joan is just a painful projection of your own insecurities. and there you go.
all you can do is notice it.
so next time you find yourself comparing yourself to the One Next To You (no matter the gender), remember that Fucking Joan is, while real, simply You Fucking Yourself Over.